We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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