Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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