How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
