Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Randomize
