My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
