Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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