and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
