You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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