Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
