so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Randomize
