Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
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