I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
