Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
