why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
