I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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