so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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