Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
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I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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