This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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