he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She told me I should be a condom model.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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