I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
