I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
