I got chris browned last night
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
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