The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
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I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
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I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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