moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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