What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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