forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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