Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
