there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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