i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
