How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
i need some magic done to my vagina
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
