Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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