No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
