I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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