My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
