Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
