I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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