Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
