I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
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At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
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I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
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