before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
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She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
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By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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