you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
being pregnant is like rehab
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
