i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
The adults are the big ones right?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
