just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
