Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
