I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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