And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
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