he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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