Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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