Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Randomize
