Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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