I'm eating all of the evidence.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Randomize
