before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
