I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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