she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
