I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Randomize
