This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
