your parents love me but you hate me
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
