Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
