Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
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can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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