Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
