i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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