she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
we made out on top of his cat.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
