Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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