I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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