My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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