Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
