Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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