Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
