we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize