He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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