just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
