I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
