i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
