I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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