Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
