you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
