Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
