Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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