Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
