Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
