I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
