Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
