I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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