She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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