So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
