But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
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