There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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