the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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